just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
