Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can I color on your dick again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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