After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
