Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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