this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
