just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize