ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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