When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
