Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
