forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
