i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
