Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
