I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
