Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
