there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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