Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize