never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
