I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
