So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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