Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
