We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
