Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
