You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
