if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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