She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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