This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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