just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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