It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
