They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
