tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
