WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
