You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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