I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize