You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
