Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
