The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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