my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
