well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
