Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
