I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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