We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
