You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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