No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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