Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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