Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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