don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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