Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Never underestimate the power of titties
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