Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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