lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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