Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
