What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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