You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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