he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
