Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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