Dual....:-)
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
