Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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