the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
