I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
