I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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