So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize