So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
