i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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