I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize