just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
