I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize