This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
