Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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