Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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