I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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