Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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