Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
