I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
