That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
