Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize