Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
