U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
