Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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