So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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