I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
