how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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