And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
