hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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