I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
