I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
