Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
