OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
