i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
