I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found your dick twin last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
