Barsexuality is the new black.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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