Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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