What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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