i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
