at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
