I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
