am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
