hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
