She said her name was "party"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
