I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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