Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
