remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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