Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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